It’s been 11 weeks since I’ve posted on my social media platforms - and it’s been magnificent. I have quite literally never been better. When I broke away from social media, I set out to finally catch up on things I’ve put off for years, and accomplish both long-term and short-term goals of mine. I can say with full confidence that I’m now talking the talk and walking the walk.
How did I go completely dark?
After I shared my last Instagram post, I turned off notifications for all my social media apps. I never deleted them because I wanted to overcome the willpower to open them. My therapist's advice was “don’t go cold turkey,” so I started weaning offline slowly. If you saw me creeping on your Insta stories or liking your posts, that's why.
The process
For the first few weeks I learned how to be a “normal” social media user – a patron, not a professional. I scrolled periodically throughout the day, but realized I wasn’t doing what I set out to achieve: a total break from social media. I decided to stop going on entirely but found myself opening the app by habit, even when I meant to open a different app – so I’d quickly closed out and eventually I made it through the day.
In due course, I was offline for a few days at a time – and I loved it. Every so often I’d go on quickly to catch up on pop culture news, see what my friends were up to, or to check my DM requests for opportunities (there weren't any really). Finally I decided it was time to stop going on entirely for a few weeks in a row. That’s when I noticed the biggest difference.
How did I spend my time?
I’ve gotten so much done with the time I’ve gotten back from not creating content, worrying about posting, and mindlessly scrolling between the same four apps.
I made a home
I settled into my apartment, re-organized my closet, products, furniture, and hung up art – even making a gallery wall, which I’ve always wanted to do! We donated multiple bags of clothes, shoes, tech, and misc. furniture to Goodwill too.
I enjoyed my expansive view, and caught the sunset from my balcony numerous times a week. At our newly-finished place, I hosted much needed girls nights and dinner parties, with both family and friends.
I got into reading
I enjoyed mornings in bed journaling and reading, and taking in the view of the Hollywood sign from our bedroom window. I’ve read more in the past few months than I probably ever have in my life, and can now highly recommend “Maybe in Another Life,” “Funny You Should Ask,” and for the writers out there, “On Writing” by Stephen King.
I dove into acting and writing
I started reading Deadline and Variety articles every day to keep up with what’s going on in Hollywood. I worked on my acting skills by learning and practicing famous monologues, and continuing to audition for roles that came my way. I started writing at my favorite coffee shop again, and I’ve finished writing an R-rated comedy, a short film, a pilot episode of a TV series, and began outlining a new movie idea. I now feel so secure in my screenwriting abilities.
I watched more long-form content
I was able to catch up on shows I wanted to watch, and I was actually able to enjoy them without going on my phone during a lull in the story – and then having to rewind when I missed the entire scene because the next one didn’t make sense to me. I started watching Marvel movies in order of release, which I've secretly always wanted to do. I’m on Phase 4 and loving it! I consider this market research, as playing Poison Ivy, or another “She-ro,” is an acting goal of mine.
To boot, I supported the industry by seeing movies and shows in theaters, like Tár and Avatar; and Lyle took me to see Mean Girls the Musical at the Pantages. We were sadly disappointed by the show, but the theater is iconic and stunning, so we’re glad we went.
I took care of myself
Being on socials made me compare myself to other peoples careers and looks, and raised my anxiety levels. Being offline, I wasn’t as worried about my appearance or what others thought of me. I wore way less makeup and stopped blow drying my hair, which gave my skin and hair a much needed break.
I began working out routinely, which I hadn’t done since the pandemic started, and went on “mental health walks.” I’ve gotten into a healthier daily routine overall, although I’m still struggling with it, as having “no job” and no structure to my day makes it more difficult to stay on schedule. I am working on it though, thanks to a book Lyle gave me called Organize Tomorrow Today – which I also highly recommend.
I updated my website, which I hadn't done in over two years, cooked hearty meals, caught up on texts and emails, reached out to contacts and took meetings, dove deeper into therapy, continued to get my nails done at my favorite spot, Bellacures, and got my hair done by the best in the biz, my mom. I even got my wisdom teeth out, which I’d been putting off for years. I also started taking French on Duolingo! Lyle started taking Spanish and he inspired me to take a language too. I studied Spanish for 12 years, and Italian and Dutch in college, but have always wanted to speak French. Now I’m on a 16 day learning streak :)
I proved to myself that I can disconnect, and learned that it is okay to give myself the grace of downtime if that's what my mind, body, and soul needs. I'm happier, more productive, and see what's important now. Time off really is good for the soul and I can get so much more done.
I became more present at social events
Being on my phone less meant I stayed present for events like birthdays, New Years Eve, Lyle’s friend’s wedding, a Lakers game, an Oscar party, and even the Super Bowl! I wasn’t missing out by trying to get the perfect video of me dancing to my fav song at a party. I was present when I had two best friends visit me (at separate times). I was present while spending quality time with my grandparents and other family members. I was present while Lyle and I celebrated Valentine's Day at Toca Madera, the restaurant we had our first date at (it's our tradition two years running!)
How do I feel?
Incredible. My mind, body, and spirit is so much better; the state of my mental health, and my productivity, has increased in ways I had to experience to realize how good it could be. I didn’t have an exact date in mind for my return, but at some point decided to do so after 6 weeks, which turned to 7… then 9, and now 11. I literally did not want to come back. Living my actual life felt too good. The idea of writing this blog post and figuring out my returning Instagram post gave me anxiety. I was on such a roll without socials, why ruin a good thing? The advice from my boyfriend, which my therapist agreed with, was that I would eventually need to come back in whatever capacity that was and still balance accomplishing my goals. So, here I am. Coming back, ready to balance it all. I want to be more transparent and open up more about my mental health journey, which I haven't discussed much on my platforms before, but I’ll save that for another blog post ;)
My New Perspective on Social Media
Whenever I’d been bored or had a free moment, I'd go right to my phone and open IG without even thinking about it. It got me wondering… can we as a society no longer be still with our thoughts? Do we have to have our eyes and hands on something every second of the day? Is there no disconnecting? Do we have an obsession? My conclusion is yes, we do, but it's more than that. Social media use has become a habit – a now-natural response. If bored, lonely, thoughtless – we open social media. My advice to everyone: become more aware of the time you spend on socials, and limit your screen-time. Be alone with your thoughts.
Looking at social media in the morning affects the entire day and becomes a time suck. The days where I didn’t reach for the phone first thing were my most productive and least anxious. I’ve noticed my burnout from IG happened the quickest, usually within a few minutes of scrolling. Snapchat I can still use as a daily form of communication with my friends, but Facebook and Twitter I’ve steered clear of. I love BeReal, because it’s the least addicting app of them all, and it’s quick and easy to use with no bells and whistles. TikTok I haven't cared to touch much, which is surprising, as it was my preferred app to get lost in a deep dark rabbit hole – but it was never my main platform for posting anyway.
Something interesting I realized: when I wanted to look someone up, my instinct was to go on social media versus Google. Socials give more insight to a person's personality and what they’re doing “right now.” Googling, though, led me to the person's website, or interviews with them instead. Social media really is a news source now, and a great way to keep up with pop-culture, but I can find other ways to stay up to date… like using the actual internet.
Something I’ve stood by is being authentic to who I am and what I use. I’ve never accepted a paid partnership if I haven't already used, or tried, the product before agreeing to promote it. If there was something not part of my brand – not vegan/cruelty-free/non-toxic/not worked for me – I have never posted it for pay. In the last 2+ months, de-influencing has trended. In my opinion it’s still influencing, but I do think it’s cool for people to be transparent about products they don’t think works or not worth the money, at least for them. It’s better for people, the planet, and our wallets, though I’m not sure if taking down brands is a good look for someone who wants to continue to be sent products. Anyway, I’ll continue to do what I always have, sharing what I actually love.
From now on, I’m not going to worry about staying up to par with ever-evolving algorithms, what other influencers are doing, and wondering what to post next. I won’t let the pressure of always having an IG story live consume me. And yes, I have been told by previous management to never go more than 12-23 hours without posting to my stories. Wherever I was, I was constantly taking content; and because I wanted to live in the moment, I’d have to stay up until the wee hours of the morning creating the posts. By the time I had everything up, the news cycle of the event, or holiday, or music festival, etc. would be over. Sometimes I would fully make the content and then never post it because my anxiety was too high. I want to post without worrying about the timing and how my overall feed looks when you go to my page.
What’s next for me?
I want my platforms to go back to being filled with activism, everyday life, and what's truly going on for my mental and physical health.
Activism
It’s not lost on me that during my time off, there has been even more anti-trans legislation and hate occuring. This year alone, there are currently 300 bills that would limit trans rights being considered in the states. Freedoms such as access to healthcare, playing on sports teams, even drag shows!
There’s also rising anti-semitism in this country. As a jewish trans woman with a platform, it’s time for me to come back and speak out. I’m committing to keeping my blog up to date, the place where my activism career started almost seven years ago.
Hollywood
Making it in Hollywood is my main focus. I plan to continue auditioning and writing passion projects. I want to do my part in this industry to share the stories of marginalized and targeted communities; because representation does matter, it does make a difference.
Social Media
Just because the socials stopped doesn't mean the content did. I'm coming back because 1) I feel like I'm able to do so in a healthy way, and 2) Because I really am a natural content creator.
I love taking pictures and videos and creating content. I know it’s beneficial to continue having a social media presence, and I’m more likely to get an opportunity by being online. I want to share my life with you, I love doing it for the most part – but I don’t want to be a salesman for all these companies anymore. So, I won’t be taking one off deals anymore. I want to work on longer-term partnerships with brands and companies I genuinely love.
I genuinely love beauty, fashion, and skincare and am highly passionate about those industries. I made a ShopMy page so that you can see what I’m actually using and wearing regularly and shop it. I have “shelves” of my favorite makeup and skincare, sunglasses, and am working on adding clothing, shoes, and accessories! I’ll make some commission on the sales, but I’m hoping it’ll help supplement some of the income I won’t be making by cutting ties with influencer-y brand deals.
I’m not entirely sure how I’ll make money right now, but I do know my decision to step away from social media was the right one. I’ve cried into Lyle’s arms over feeling “stuck in the same place” and “right back where I was before” with my lack of money or foreseeable income – but I’m really nowhere near in the same place, and I always make it work. I will trust the Universe in bringing me exactly what I need when I need it most.
Dancing in the rain on my balcony :)
Last, but most certainly not least, I’ve loved the messages from those checking in on me and asking when I'm coming back. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All of your comments and DMs wishing me well, agreeing that I am more than an influencer, that you can't wait to see what I do next, and that you’ll be here for me when I come back meant the world to me. Truly. It helped me so much, and affirmed my decision in taking this time off.
I’m looking forward to being back online in a healthy way and continuing to share my journey with all of you!
Lots of Love,
xx CR
