On June 3rd, I turned 30 years…young. And today, June 27th, is the 7 year anniversary of when I publicly “came out” through my first blog post “Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself,” here on this website. I thought these two events deserved a celebratory blogpost.
I knew since I was little that I was a girl but didn’t have the resources to become one physically. When I turned 10, I remember being really scared. I knew that getting older meant that I might grow into an adult male, instead of a female. A decade later, when I turned 20, I had just finished my sophomore year of college, and was exactly 364 days recovered from having gender affirmation surgery (the day after my 19th birthday). I was more than ready for a life as the woman I always saw myself as.
The previous decade has forced me to learn A LOT about myself, my relationships, and my purpose in this life. Upon reflection of 2013 to today, I compiled 20 lessons my 20’s have taught me in an effort to reflect deeply - and to have on my site for anyone who needs it right now, and for later on. It’s here for you - whenever, wherever.
It’s important to believe you are worthy in any and every aspect of life. It took me a long time to see what I was truly worth, and once I did, I moved throughout the world completely different. You have to hold your standards high and never ever lower them. Ever. If you stick to this, it is possible to attract the life and treatment you want and deserve.
Manifestation works. It just does. When I was a little kid praying every night to wake up as a girl, I never thought it could be my reality. Then one day I found the word “transgender” in a People Magazine article and I discovered my identity. A few years later I began my transition with the help of my mom, and eventually became my own version of complete. I realized this worked the night I won Prom Queen, then again as I traveled the world, and eventually fell in love. I had to think it, write it, speak it into existence for years, but it worked. It’s important to manage your expectations, but you can do this while dreaming and working hard. You can make your goals happen if you're diligent about it and want it enough.
Affirmations work if you’re open to believing in them. Find an affirmation or a mantra to keep you going, the three that I write in my journal every morning are: “I am healthy, wealthy, successful, loved, and supported. I am accepting and claiming all that is for me. I don’t chase, I attract - what’s meant for me will find me and simply be” (yes, the 3rd one is my own twist on the famous TikTok affirmation). Since doing this consistently, doors have been opened for me that I thought only possible in my wildest dreams - in both my personal and professional life. I’ve come to believe that The Universe has your back and whatever you want is yours.
The relationships we have with our family and friends require growth, just like romantic relationships do. We have to take special care of the bonds we have with the people we love and cherish most. But that leads me to #5…
Boundaries are KEY in every single relationship you have, including the one with yourself. It’s taken me years in therapy to learn this and put it into action - and my life is better because of it.
Always stand up for yourself and what you believe is right, even if the outcome isn’t ideal. If you’re able and willing to put yourself first you will never look back on the situation with regret.
What you want can happen when you least expect it - cliche I know, but it’s true. I learned this when I met Lyle, my now fiance. Our love has been so easy and pure and honest. True love exists, and I was struggling to find it. When I let go of the search, when I focused on my career and bettering myself, I met Lyle.
Change and evolution is crucial - and sometimes people won't know how to change with you. Those people will try to hold on to the older version of you to make themselves feel more comfortable - don't let them stop you on your journey, because personal growth is the key to having success in all facets of life.
Bodies change. They just do. As I’ve reached the age of 30, I’ve come to realize this more and more. My age, mixed with the last five months of taking lexapro for anxiety, has changed my body. My metabolism has slowed down and I’ve gained 15lbs. It’s become very difficult to lose weight. For years I’ve been obsessed with my body, how amazing it looked after years of not even identifying with it, and now here I am, hating the way my body looks again. I have to remind myself over and over that it’s okay, and that bodies change, they just do.
You can't force things to happen. Not everything you want may be right for you. If something, or someone, is meant for you - it will happen naturally. Forcing leads to resentment and negativity. What doesn’t fit simply doesn’t fit.
Not everything you want can happen right away. You have to trust divine timing. Patience is truly a virtue, meaning that it’s a good quality to be able to tolerate something that takes a long time. “Nothing worth having comes easily” or “good things take time” is one of the things I’ve learned most in the last decade. I’ve wanted things to come to fruition years ago that I probably wasn’t ready for - but they’re happening now because I believe I’m finally ready for it.
Practice gratitude everyday so that you take nothing for granted. Nothing is promised or guaranteed. By writing what you’re grateful for every morning you can become more present, able to live in the moment, and appreciate what you have right now without focusing on what you don’t have yet.
Let it go. Prepare as much as you need to for an audition, or presentation, or speech, or sports game, but when you get out there - let it all go and trust that your preparation has been enough so that you can be in the moment. I learned this from my acting classes the past few years and it’s helped me with so many different aspects of my life.
Un-ordinary actions lead to un-ordinary and extraordinary results. Period.
Everyone needs therapy. Even if you don’t know what for yet, it’s important from time to time to speak with someone who’s truly unbiased and there to help you explore yourself. Investing in yourself, investing in becoming a better person is scary but one of the best things a person can do. Therapy can help you explore and understand your own mind and behaviors and relationships in ways you never thought possible.
No matter how often you talk or see one another, pay attention to how people make you feel and who makes an effort to be good to you. Weed out the ones who don’t genuinely support you and make you feel good about yourself. If you feel like someone would say something negative about you when you walk out of the room, confront them or ditch them.
Do not put all your eggs in one basket. I’ve learned this the hard way by doing it. Project after promising project I’ve invested myself into one thing at a time for it to fail or never fully come to fruition. Always keep your hands in different pots and add fuel to different fires. When you’re exhausted with one project, have another you can work on and move back and forth between them.
It’s not healthy to be so hard on yourself. Sometimes mistakes are made, but mistakes lead to growth. Deep reflection helps me a lot when I’m being hard on myself, which is very often.
There are so many people to meet and so many places to explore in this world. Different cultures teach you different things and these differences can be very good and help you grow and learn in ways you didn’t know you could.
Being trans is my superpower. For so long I questioned “Why was I born this way?” “Why was I born in the wrong body?” But I wasn’t born in the wrong body, I was born in the right one, at the right time. Transgender people have been around since the beginning of life itself. Literally. Being trans makes me unique. It's what sets me apart and gives me purpose. My story has become inspirational and helps save lives - and that's heroic.It's just one small part that makes up for me, but it's one of the most important. (that leaves a lasting impression)
Here’s to the next decade, may it be filled with happiness, health, wealth, success, and love.
Lots of Love,
Corey Rae